At the edge of civilization,
Where it was raining day and night,
We decided to bury our our feud and join
Each other on the road thereafter.
Now John he was a guitarist
And struck up a tune
That traveled with us as the fourth traveler;
The sound of its music was like the rain,
Trespassing our loneliness like a silent killer.
As we walked we saw an old man
Sitting in a raincoat 'neath a tree:
He lit up a cold smoke.
Its orange light swam the wrinkles of his hand.
He looked long at us searching for an open ear
Into which he'd crawl to escape the shifting sands.
But we had no time for talk or play
Even though we had nowhere to go
Because each of us knew
That he was in a place where he'd like to stay,
Where the knowing silence of death stalked us,
And the temples were where we wanted to pray.
Gently we came upon a fallen tree,
Uprooted by the fury of an ancient storm,
Its leaves and boughs scattered.
Our journey seemed over in that shadowy sea,
And we rested our backs against the wood,
Finally with that silent surrender becoming free.
And John he finally let his eyes weep
For the loss of a friend long ago;
We tried to hold him down.
His sorrow in the dark was our treasure to keep;
He smashed his guitar there and fell down crying,
And there we lay fear our fifth traveler to sleep.
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Friday, 22 April 2011
A reevaluation of (two kinds of) relationships
First kind
Last night, I had a weird set of emotions flowing through me - weird only because they were new, not because I thought they were wrong. First, I shared with T???? the short passage I'd written with 83 Ms. Perhaps it was me hoping to strongly that she would remark (directly) upon how it compared to V's monologue from the movie 'V for Vendetta'. Now that I think about it, T???? may have only been the usual inappropriately-unpredictable bitch she usually is, but I don't care: her response drove me wild. I hope it stays that way, too.
I don't know if I look like a merry-go-round on legs to some people, but I've had it. Some people are not worth it irrespective of how much I might need them. Be it M?, P????? and A????? for what they know about me, be it T???? for whatever I may have needed her for, be it anyone: I've realized that I've been a top-order fool to let myself be cowed down by my need to please others. More than the realization, more than the decision to "turn over a new leaf", what's important is that I continue to understand why it's important to feel that way, to live that way.
Second kind
That, in turn, prompts me to think how honest I've been with my diary, how honest I will be. I who write this diary – is that "I" different from I who embrace the reality, the interpretations of the interactions with which fills up the diary? A day ago, since when the questions have been lounging in the back of my mind, I had this fleeting vision of three layers of existence that I may interact through with reality (at least as I perceive it): the Outermost layer, which is composed of all sorts of spontaneous activities that I must perform, do perform, with any or little reflection; the Middle layer, which is composed of elements such as honesty, reliability and punctuality, amongst others – those entities whose evaluation for the sake of the self involves a comparison against past precedents (or, those entities that exhibit hysteresis by way of being 'path-dependent'); the Innermost layer, which constitutes (and is not composed of) the basal emotions such as joy, sorrow, anger, jealousy, etc. – those emotions that are directly influenced by variations in the quantity and quality of the spontaneous activities.
Why then don't I place these emotions in the Middle layer? Because the constituents of the Middle layer influence my immediate responses to the spontaneous activities; it is the case of an extended cause-effect linkage. Just as in thermodynamics, where there are mass-dependent (extrinsic) and mass-independent (intrinsic) properties, in this structure of the psyche, there is the segregation of response-inducers (RIs) into low performance-dependency (LPD) responses and high performance-dependency (HPD) responses. The LPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Middle layer and the HPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Innermost layer.
The LPD responses that contribute greatly to the formation of my long-term goals are less easily influenced by day-to-day activities (likewise for HPD) and their subjugation in favour of the HPD responses has kept me happy, etc., on a day-to-day basis but has taken me nowhere I want to be in the longer run. Further (?!), I need to be reliable unto myself first, punctual unto myself first, honest unto myself first, and so forth.
And, to answer the question first asked, this blog (transcripted), I hope, remains both immanent to each layer and transcendental.
Last night, I had a weird set of emotions flowing through me - weird only because they were new, not because I thought they were wrong. First, I shared with T???? the short passage I'd written with 83 Ms. Perhaps it was me hoping to strongly that she would remark (directly) upon how it compared to V's monologue from the movie 'V for Vendetta'. Now that I think about it, T???? may have only been the usual inappropriately-unpredictable bitch she usually is, but I don't care: her response drove me wild. I hope it stays that way, too.
I don't know if I look like a merry-go-round on legs to some people, but I've had it. Some people are not worth it irrespective of how much I might need them. Be it M?, P????? and A????? for what they know about me, be it T???? for whatever I may have needed her for, be it anyone: I've realized that I've been a top-order fool to let myself be cowed down by my need to please others. More than the realization, more than the decision to "turn over a new leaf", what's important is that I continue to understand why it's important to feel that way, to live that way.
Second kind
That, in turn, prompts me to think how honest I've been with my diary, how honest I will be. I who write this diary – is that "I" different from I who embrace the reality, the interpretations of the interactions with which fills up the diary? A day ago, since when the questions have been lounging in the back of my mind, I had this fleeting vision of three layers of existence that I may interact through with reality (at least as I perceive it): the Outermost layer, which is composed of all sorts of spontaneous activities that I must perform, do perform, with any or little reflection; the Middle layer, which is composed of elements such as honesty, reliability and punctuality, amongst others – those entities whose evaluation for the sake of the self involves a comparison against past precedents (or, those entities that exhibit hysteresis by way of being 'path-dependent'); the Innermost layer, which constitutes (and is not composed of) the basal emotions such as joy, sorrow, anger, jealousy, etc. – those emotions that are directly influenced by variations in the quantity and quality of the spontaneous activities.
Why then don't I place these emotions in the Middle layer? Because the constituents of the Middle layer influence my immediate responses to the spontaneous activities; it is the case of an extended cause-effect linkage. Just as in thermodynamics, where there are mass-dependent (extrinsic) and mass-independent (intrinsic) properties, in this structure of the psyche, there is the segregation of response-inducers (RIs) into low performance-dependency (LPD) responses and high performance-dependency (HPD) responses. The LPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Middle layer and the HPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Innermost layer.
The LPD responses that contribute greatly to the formation of my long-term goals are less easily influenced by day-to-day activities (likewise for HPD) and their subjugation in favour of the HPD responses has kept me happy, etc., on a day-to-day basis but has taken me nowhere I want to be in the longer run. Further (?!), I need to be reliable unto myself first, punctual unto myself first, honest unto myself first, and so forth.
And, to answer the question first asked, this blog (transcripted), I hope, remains both immanent to each layer and transcendental.
A reevaluation of (two kinds of) relationships
First kind
Last night, I had a weird set of emotions flowing through me - weird only because they were new, not because I thought they were wrong. First, I shared with T???? the short passage I'd written with 83 Ms. Perhaps it was me hoping to strongly that she would remark (directly) upon how it compared to V's monologue from the movie 'V for Vendetta'. Now that I think about it, T???? may have only been the usual inappropriately-unpredictable bitch she usually is, but I don't care: her response drove me wild. I hope it stays that way, too.
I don't know if I look like a merry-go-round on legs to some people, but I've had it. Some people are not worth it irrespective of how much I might need them. Be it M?, P????? and A????? for what they know about me, be it T???? for whatever I may have needed her for, be it anyone: I've realized that I've been a top-order fool to let myself be cowed down by my need to please others. More than the realization, more than the decision to "turn over a new leaf", what's important is that I continue to understand why it's important to feel that way, to live that way.
Second kind
That, in turn, prompts me to think how honest I've been with my diary, how honest I will be. I who write this diary – is that "I" different from I who embrace the reality, the interpretations of the interactions with which fills up the diary? A day ago, since when the questions have been lounging in the back of my mind, I had this fleeting vision of three layers of existence that I may interact through with reality (at least as I perceive it): the Outermost layer, which is composed of all sorts of spontaneous activities that I must perform, do perform, with any or little reflection; the Middle layer, which is composed of elements such as honesty, reliability and punctuality, amongst others – those entities whose evaluation for the sake of the self involves a comparison against past precedents (or, those entities that exhibit hysteresis by way of being 'path-dependent'); the Innermost layer, which constitutes (and is not composed of) the basal emotions such as joy, sorrow, anger, jealousy, etc. – those emotions that are directly influenced by variations in the quantity and quality of the spontaneous activities.
Why then don't I place these emotions in the Middle layer? Because the constituents of the Middle layer influence my immediate responses to the spontaneous activities; it is the case of an extended cause-effect linkage. Just as in thermodynamics, where there are mass-dependent (extrinsic) and mass-independent (intrinsic) properties, in this structure of the psyche, there is the segregation of response-inducers (RIs) into low performance-dependency (LPD) responses and high performance-dependency (HPD) responses. The LPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Middle layer and the HPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Innermost layer.
The LPD responses that contribute greatly to the formation of my long-term goals are less easily influenced by day-to-day activities (likewise for HPD) and their subjugation in favour of the HPD responses has kept me happy, etc., on a day-to-day basis but has taken me nowhere I want to be in the longer run. Further (?!), I need to be reliable unto myself first, punctual unto myself first, honest unto myself first, and so forth.
And, to answer the question first asked, this blog (transcripted), I hope, remains both immanent to each layer and transcendental.
Last night, I had a weird set of emotions flowing through me - weird only because they were new, not because I thought they were wrong. First, I shared with T???? the short passage I'd written with 83 Ms. Perhaps it was me hoping to strongly that she would remark (directly) upon how it compared to V's monologue from the movie 'V for Vendetta'. Now that I think about it, T???? may have only been the usual inappropriately-unpredictable bitch she usually is, but I don't care: her response drove me wild. I hope it stays that way, too.
I don't know if I look like a merry-go-round on legs to some people, but I've had it. Some people are not worth it irrespective of how much I might need them. Be it M?, P????? and A????? for what they know about me, be it T???? for whatever I may have needed her for, be it anyone: I've realized that I've been a top-order fool to let myself be cowed down by my need to please others. More than the realization, more than the decision to "turn over a new leaf", what's important is that I continue to understand why it's important to feel that way, to live that way.
Second kind
That, in turn, prompts me to think how honest I've been with my diary, how honest I will be. I who write this diary – is that "I" different from I who embrace the reality, the interpretations of the interactions with which fills up the diary? A day ago, since when the questions have been lounging in the back of my mind, I had this fleeting vision of three layers of existence that I may interact through with reality (at least as I perceive it): the Outermost layer, which is composed of all sorts of spontaneous activities that I must perform, do perform, with any or little reflection; the Middle layer, which is composed of elements such as honesty, reliability and punctuality, amongst others – those entities whose evaluation for the sake of the self involves a comparison against past precedents (or, those entities that exhibit hysteresis by way of being 'path-dependent'); the Innermost layer, which constitutes (and is not composed of) the basal emotions such as joy, sorrow, anger, jealousy, etc. – those emotions that are directly influenced by variations in the quantity and quality of the spontaneous activities.
Why then don't I place these emotions in the Middle layer? Because the constituents of the Middle layer influence my immediate responses to the spontaneous activities; it is the case of an extended cause-effect linkage. Just as in thermodynamics, where there are mass-dependent (extrinsic) and mass-independent (intrinsic) properties, in this structure of the psyche, there is the segregation of response-inducers (RIs) into low performance-dependency (LPD) responses and high performance-dependency (HPD) responses. The LPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Middle layer and the HPD responses are actuated by our "sense of the self" in the Innermost layer.
The LPD responses that contribute greatly to the formation of my long-term goals are less easily influenced by day-to-day activities (likewise for HPD) and their subjugation in favour of the HPD responses has kept me happy, etc., on a day-to-day basis but has taken me nowhere I want to be in the longer run. Further (?!), I need to be reliable unto myself first, punctual unto myself first, honest unto myself first, and so forth.
And, to answer the question first asked, this blog (transcripted), I hope, remains both immanent to each layer and transcendental.
Monday, 21 February 2011
The Death Of A Blogger
More so than using WP's Plinky to find something to write these days, I go through the archives of my oldest blog, more often than not finding not just badly written posts but also lots of good ideas that I find hidden between the lines but, back then, was digressing too much to focus on them. While I can safely say that I have matured as a writer, I know the difference between the earlier "me" and the present "me": I used to write because I felt like writing something. Now, I write because I have something to write about.
That's not a desirable part of the maturation process, nor is it undesirable.
That feeling of "wanting" to do something because you like doing it and not because it has become a medium to express something is what I miss, though not too much because I could only have written so much meaningful or contributory pieces before starting all over again. Writing for writing's sake has an expiry limit. We're all humans and our mastery over something is automatically succeeded with our employment of that same thing.
What prompted me to write this post was that, when I was sifting through some old notes on the blog, I found a particular WP user who had left comments on almost every post for a period of about four months. Whensoever I used to put up an article on anything, he had the habit of finding something wrong with it, and we would get into a lengthy discussion. I would comment on his blog, he would respond on mine, it was such a good experience, of finding a friend out of nowhere.
I found a link lying around to his blog and decided to pay him a visit, but this is what I saw.
[caption id="attachment_509" align="aligncenter" width="520" caption="Interrupted."]
[/caption]
That's not a desirable part of the maturation process, nor is it undesirable.
That feeling of "wanting" to do something because you like doing it and not because it has become a medium to express something is what I miss, though not too much because I could only have written so much meaningful or contributory pieces before starting all over again. Writing for writing's sake has an expiry limit. We're all humans and our mastery over something is automatically succeeded with our employment of that same thing.
What prompted me to write this post was that, when I was sifting through some old notes on the blog, I found a particular WP user who had left comments on almost every post for a period of about four months. Whensoever I used to put up an article on anything, he had the habit of finding something wrong with it, and we would get into a lengthy discussion. I would comment on his blog, he would respond on mine, it was such a good experience, of finding a friend out of nowhere.
I found a link lying around to his blog and decided to pay him a visit, but this is what I saw.
[caption id="attachment_509" align="aligncenter" width="520" caption="Interrupted."]
[/caption]One blogger has disappeared. In his place is an emptiness that cannot be filled because it is still so full of memories. Another blogger has died. In his place is a man who wants to write something only because he has something to write about and not for writing's sake. 'Ars gratia artis' is not impractical nor is it unreasonable as an expectation, but it has its purpose, a time and purpose to practice it. Being an artiste non gratis is not condemnable. What is is the idea that art is what it is and cannot be anything more.
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